Alright, I'll make this quick as to not waste anyones time. (man this is embarrassing)
I did quite literally everything the tutorial said. USB, connected to wifi, installed the O.S., then reset my computer as prompted after putting in all the info (time zone, account, etc) Whenever I turn on my computer (desktop), I'm sent to a black screen with ASUS (since that's what my computer uses as it's motherboard I think, I'm not very good with tech) and the Zorin logo below, which I ultimately assume that's what it's supposed to do.
However, the Zorin logo does it's signature flash of light, but, it very, just barely discernibly freezes, and the light doesn't fade as per usual, and it won't go to the homepage, essentially just not working. Everything else lights up, like my keyboard and the fans, but nay, not the screen.
For reference, no, I'm not dual booting, secure and fast boot are both disabled, My BIOS Is UEFI (ez mode, though I don't think that does anything). And used the equipment described verbatim to create the bootable USB stick.
And for the specs, prebuilt PC (shucks), more than ample storage, and I really don't know what else to say. Eternal gratitude to whomever aids me, or perhaps I'm incomprehensibly stupid.
apologies for the poor quality