Wow, I'm appalled to the level of support here. This was ridiculously simple to solve.
All I had to do was hold shift on boot and select my old kernel. Everything works fine.
The only thing I learned in the last 3 days was that I made a great decision not to pay for pro... I'm not very familiar with linux but if no one in the community could think of this, I have no faith in this team at all. This should have been suggested days a go.