so my software updater was set to all updates and now this am it switched to custom and I can not switch it back
Are your update settings pointing to Main Server instead of your country's local server?
yes i switched to main server still no change
Can you give a screenshot at all to understand exactly what is (or what is not) happening?
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sure one second
In such cases, I wonder which file I should edit to achieve what I want 
. This way you force the system to set what you want but it's a last choice.
Can you try and update via a terminal instead by entering:
sudo apt-get update && sudo apt-get dist-upgrade
and report back.
Have you installed any applications other than those in Software or other sources other than official ones?
Looks like that you're using a user's profile that hasn't the permission to set there to All Updates and so it always resets itself to Custom.
I will try either late tonight or tomorrow am as Iām at work
What ?
No, nothing, I was wondering if maybe you were using a new created user profile and maybe that new profile is set by default to not allow changes to certain settings, including that one you're fighting against.
Got it no problem
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Try removing howdy first via terminal:
sudo apt remove howdy
Reboot and then try updating again. This is to see if howdy is causing the issue
I think it may but i dont really want to remove howdy, its honestly so much more convenient than typing my password all the damn time
A better and quicker solution would be to boot up with a secure usb key you can create yourself and in addition removes the need to enter sudo password when updating or installing software.
Maybe I will see if I can set that up one of these days then I could remove howdy and see if that fixed the issue